The Dialectic of Doubt

I recently had an essay published in Literary Traveler about existential doubt assuaged by a belief in literature as a life-affirming mythology.

The response has been positive, and I think I know why: The mental-emotional process I described is familiar to many readers. 

The cycle I outlined in the piece looks something like this: 

-An aching or vacuous sense that life is meaningless…

-Followed by a thrilling realization — “Wait, I find this thing (in my case it was literature) meaningful, so life must not be meaningless after all!”

After the piece was up on the site, like any vain writer, I re-read it in its polished, published form. I wasn’t surprised to find myself doubting my own conclusion. Literature might be a worthy activity, but there’s nothing ultimately meaningful about it. It doesn’t explain everything like many religions claim to do. It doesn’t satisfy that questioning: why, why, why? 

So, I thought, “If literature hasn’t actually supplied my life with meaning, then life IS meaningless…Except that it’s not — because I have my wife! And love! How can life be meaningless with love?!

“But then love is nothing but a biological function, something that keeps us living in units capable of survival. So, life is meaningless. But still, love is pretty sweet.”

Looking at these mental convulsions from afar, it’s impossible not to notice a cycle — or a dialectic of doubt. 

-Thesis: Despair.

-Antithesis: Hope that meaning resides here or there. 

Synthesis: An acceptance that life is ultimately meaningless, but that it’s full of all sorts of small delights in which we can construct provisional meaning. 

And, in a post-religious mind, this might be about as good as it gets — and that’s alright. Any thinking person is bound to doubt. Sisyphus can’t be smiling all the time, but maybe he can manage a laugh now and then. As long as he’s able to push beyond despair, as long as he can reach that next moment of provisional meaning, he’ll find joy — and hopefully that joy comes often enough to save him.  

Looking for more insights from an intrepid writer and committed travler? Follow Benjamin Clabault on Twitter and check out his website for all the latest news on publications, appearances, and more.